Artillery (Denmark)

Artillery (METAL GODS)

Terror Squad



April 24th, 1987

Every once in a while, a classic album will make it rounds via, eBay, a real classic, a real HEAVY METAL hall of fame album.

And for some reason collectors of power/ thrash / metal will not research the genre from the genre’s leading publications, but will use free record review sites, where the writers are allowed to dislike HEAVY METAL, not only owing the album, but if you never even heard the ablum, thats even better. Your 17 out of 100 record review, good job, right into the pile.


So its Crunch time, and the auction is winding down. So you got some-time to social proof so you want to read some average record reviews, from below average heavy metal minds, ie the ones where not around as fans in October ’81, October ‘ 82 or late comers to the genres in October ‘ 83 (I have been a heavy metal fan since 1978 and an extreme metal fan since the Summer of 1980), since they were not around, why do research, on heavy metal genre, THE EASIEST genre of music to do research on when then can write for 9th rate publications. And you’re in there core demographic. And your a moderator of there boring forum. a REAL BORRUM…!!!!!!!!

So since time is not off the essence , got around 9 minutes to the auction ends. So time for some social proofing.

Its the Week of February 22nd, 2015, so you will go with that one first.

Cool whoa dude, a 17% out of a hundred,

the next scores are as follows…

84% — 99 out of 100 (this dude found a gem, and wants to TELL THE WORLD), 83%, 80 has been the new 100 in heavy metal since around 1994, 87%, 87% and 85.

With an average score of 77%.

Not bad huh,

EXCEPT it is one of the GREATEST HEAVY METAL albums of all-time,

Auction is getting down to 5 minutes, and off to BNR pages, and as luck would have it he reads KICK*ASS monthly, Snakepit Magazine France, and has KICK*ASS*METAL’s ebay cheat sheet, of the top 100 albums of all-time, and a extented list of the greatest albums of all-time called the Sacred 700, the top 666 albums of all-time.

So you count his recommendation as a 100 out of 100, sure it raises the score, but does any one every buy albums on CD, that are going to go for over $100 dollars, with a mere score of 80%. This is why 80% are the new 100’s since 1994.

You got a few minutes left, time to make some phone calls, you get on the dude who wrote the 99%, ( he wrote the rave review because he has his old tattered vinyl and cassettes to sell, he finally got one of the top 100 albums of all-time on CD)

Still got time left so you call the dude who gave it a 17% (he tells you “oh there over-rated by KICK*ASS monthly, Metal Forces, Snakepit Magazine, True Metal organization, and KICK*ASS*METAL zine) because he knows this album rules, and want to horde 30 copies for himself.

LIKE A ACTUAL smart heavy metal fan.

So you go with the wrong advice, since you could not do research, yourself from the actual sources of the metal movement,  1981’s KICK*ASS*MONTHLY and 1991’s Sounds of Death magazine.

You lost the auction, because you decided not to fire off, a last-minute bid-snip bid.

Don’t worry you lost this time for $100, but when enough metaller’s who are doing research, discovers that this is a TOTAL METALLIC MOLTEN METAL masterpiece, you can try your luck when it comes around again for $200.


Since you aren’t up on thrash metal, what else did you miss, a box-set called “Through The Years” and a 2008 gold edition CD.


GOOD LUCK finding any metal publication in print who has not listed.


You can not pull the bullshit in print as you can do on-line, on the other hand, your fanzine will go bankrupt from of its incompetence.  Maybe the fish market can buy your back catalogue, for pennies on the dollar, so you can buy some cat food to eat, and maybe a dollar beer to wash it down. You tried a fanzine, it failed because the publication lacked any mention of Artillery, in top 100 albums of all-time list. Better luck next time.