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Coven13 (Michigan)

Coven13 (METAL GODS)

Worship New Gods

Unleashed On Planet Metal

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October 1987

Crom Records

Every once is a while a TIMELESS MASTERPIECE will make it rounds via, eBay, a real classic, a real HEAVY METAL hall of fame album.

And for some strange and bizarre reason collectors of  traditional / power / thrash metal fans will NOT research the grene from the genre’s leading publications, but will use free record review sites, where the writers are allowed to dislike HEAVY METAL, not owing the album is not a problem, if you never heard it, you can just write a review based off another record review, or better yet just take a wild guess what the ablum sounds like without even heard it how cool is that.

So It CRUNCH TIME, and the auction is winding down. So you got some to social proof so you want to read some average record reviews from below average metal minds, ie the ones who were not around as METAL fanatics in October ’81, October ’82, or late comers to the genre is October ’83 ( I have been a heavy metal fan since 1978 and a extreme metal fan since the Summer of 1980), since they were not around, why do research, on the heavy metal genre, the EASIEST genre of music to do research on, why do that when you can just read 9th rate publications who never, published a fanzine, or wrote a book. Not only are you in the prime demographic for 9 rate on-line, you are a moderator for the boring forum the BORRUM.

So since time is not of the essence you, got around 9 minutes to the auction ends. So time for some social proofing.

So to the cheapest most inaccurate free review site first. Even though there in not tons of useless information, just one review a 80% out of 100, and 80% of out a hundred has the NEW 100 since 1994.

So the average score by the average mind is 80%.

So the auction is getting down to 5 minutes, so off to BNR pages, you go to the top 1o’s list of 1987 no such luck, which is a wild f!#* up by that place since they started with heavy metal in 1979, so that guy is a cool collector and up on the avant garde for the Internet era…so since he got wind that this is one of the greatest HEAVY METAL albums of all-time, there is a page “under construction”

So off to record reviews your about to bid one a VINYL LP that will set you back your Mortgage Payment, in the Detente and Slauter Xstroyes Range…and lets not forget this auction is once in a few years event. Oh cool some one wrote a 60 out a 100 review.

So now you got a average score from incompetent writers of 70%.

You got a few minutes left time to make some phone calls, you  call some who has the 2nd pressing, he wants this for himself so he fires up his computer, and WILL WIN the auction at the last second, because he knows the metal genre inside-out and upside-down.

Still got some time left so you call the dude who wrote the 3 out of 5 record review, he tells you oh there over-rated by KICK*ASS monthly, Metal Forces, Snakepit Magazine, The Corroseum wibzine, Steel Conjuring Zine, True Metal Fan Orginization, and KICK*ASS*METAL zine, because he knows this ablum rules, and wants to horde 30 copies of this for himself. And hoping all 30 copies will not be CD’s, he needs the Vinyl for his collection.

Like a Actual smart heavy metal fan.

So you go with the wrong advice, since you could not do research, yourself from the actual sources of the metal movements founding publications. 1981’s KICK*ASS*METAL and 1991’s Sounds Of Death Magazine.

You lost the auction, because you decided not to fire off a last second BID SNIP.

Don’t worry you lost this  time for $750, but when enough metaller’s who are doing research and discovers this TOTAL METALLIC MOLTEN METAL masterpiece, you can try your luck when it comes around in a couple of years.

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Since your not up on heavy metal, what did you miss, as a fan of heavy metal. First of all Coven13 is one of the few bands to be legends in both the 20th and 21st centuries. And Since the original debut albums was UNLEASHED on Planet METAL, and was released in October 1987, around 6 WEEKS before one of the most important albums of all-time Celtic Frost “Into The Pandemonium”. So not only is this album a HOLY GRAIL for METAL fans World-Wide, every GOTHIC METAL fans needs this album at all cost, even though the band style, is EPIC/TRADITIONAL/DOOM with GOTHIC asthetics mixed with THEIR OWN ORIGINALITY, Coven13 “Worship New Gods” is a album that fits in your record collection between spins of the first 3 Trouble recording and the VISION BLEAK back catalog. Making this album

SUPREME IMMORTAL ART OF THE HIGHEST ORDER

&

NONE ABOVE NON EQUAL

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GOOD LUCK finding any metal publication in print who has not listed

COVEN13 * WORSHIP NEW GODS as top 100 TRUE METAL ALBUM OF all-time

You can pull the bullshit in print as you can do one-line, on the other hand.

Your fanzine will go bankrupt from incompetence. (GOOD RIDDANCE). Maybe the fist market can buy your back catalogue for pennies on the dollar, so you can by some cat food to eat, and maybe, if your lucky has some money to buy a dollar beer to wash it down with.

You tried a fanzine. It failed because publication lacked  any mention of Coven13 ” Worship New Gods”, in the top 100 albums of all-time list. Better luck next time.

If you attend a heavy metal museum and a heavy metal hall of fame, and there is no Coven “Worship New Gods” display, get your money back, you GOT ROBBED !!!!!!!!

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