The best part of being a metallic fanatic insane maniac metal true fan, is reading tons of top 10 list. Top 100 list. Albums of the Year list. Greatest albums of all-time list. I do get inspired when I read list, and see tons of glaring omission, and wild historic fuck-ups.

Those who know me and know this publication inside out and upside down. Know KICK*ASS*METAL is a gothic metal publication, and were up on death metal as well as thrash metal.

All of my fans in Michigan, that I meet in person. Greet me with a “fuck yea” because I try to use this phrase in write-ups record reviews, as much as possible.

They only read our TOP 666 death metal albums of all-time list, and care about thrash.

Most of KICK*ASS*METAL international readers are from Norway and Brazil, because we are a Norwegian Dark Metal, Norwegian TRUE GOTHIC METAL, Norwegian Avant-Garde Metal press, and We know our shit music-wise about True Norwegian Black Metal.

Norway is 4% of the World’s Population and 50% of the most timeless masterpieces come from that part of the World.

Beside Norway most of my readers from Brazil, because there is a METALLIC heavy metal hot bed from that part of planet metal, and because of Nervosa, they were the metal saviors, who I found in March 2012, because I was looking for a World-Class Vocalist with a timbre like that since 1985 and 1994. I am not saying what vocalist I am talking about, one must figure out this historical connection for themselves… I added Brazilian Metal coverage when I get a chance.

On May 20th, 2003 is when it happened and

….Die weltweit größte Band aller Zeiten für immer und ewig wahren Unsterblichen aus Metall….

Hanzel Und Gretyl became the World’s Greatest Industrial Metal band of all-time. I was debating Industrialized Metal webZine when they were around, and they were championing Xe-None, a band I have a huge respect for. While I can not rate them or any other Industrial or Industrialized Metal Band over the Greatest Industrial BONE CRUNCHING band of all-time, which is Hanzel Und Gretyl.  I have Xe-None rated as the Greatest Dance Metal Band of all-time, because of a wild and highly mix of Fear Factory, True Norwegian Gothic Metal and Dance Music.


KICK*ASS*METAL’s top 10 WORLD’S GREATEST hard rock metal guitarist of all-time looks like this so far.

# 1 * Kaizer Von Loopy * Hanzel Und Gretyl


# 2 * Tony Iommi * Black Sabbath


# 3 * Blare ‘N Bitch * Betty Blowtorch / Black Sabbitch FAME


# 4 * Paulitchas Carregosa * Paulitcha Carregosa fame



Guys LIKE Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain while I have tons of respect for them, they are not on target taste for the subject matter KICK*ASS*METAL.

KICK*ASS*METAL is defined as. Faster and heavier riffs, with superior song-writing and originality, and a bone crunching molten metal guitar tone, with a metallic feeling which I only can describe as a savage factor. And when all these factors are really though about. Only Hanzel Und Gretyl’s Kaizer Von Loopy is the World’s Greatest Left-handed Guitarist in heavy metal since May 20th, 2003

Cobain is very important to the avant-garde metal community, so maybe a #5 spot.

I love reading top 10 list, always a source of inspiration.

@ KICK*ASS*METAL and the heavy metal hall of fame, there a place on our altar of metal, which is dedicated to the top 666 albums and artist of all-time, and out of that dedicated space, there is a space just for Hanzel Und Gretyl CD’s. I mostly wore Metallica t-shirts from 1983 until 1993, but nowadays my T-Shirt of Choice is Hazel Und Gretyl, Wooden Stake and Crucifed Barbara t-shirts.

Any Heavy Metal hall of fame that does not have a room dedicated to Hanzel Und Gretyl. Sucks beyond belief. Make sure you get your money back, even if you have to scream at the top of your lungs, and throw a metal shit-fit.

For those not up on heavy metal August 7th is INTERNATIONAL




(pic above and words in italics from the bands official facebook presence)






Ansgeflippt * 1995

Transmission From Uranus * 1997

Über Alles * 2003

Schissmessiah * 2004

Oktötenfest 2006 Exteneded Play * 2006

2012: Zwanzig Zwölf * 2008

Born To Be Heiled * * 2012

Black Forest Metal * 2014

Satanik Germanik * 2015- Scheduled for a 2015 release.

Every Hanzel Und Greyl title has a rating of

100 out of 100  blood dripping skulls, 100 out of 100 Timeless masterpiece

The TITLES IN BOLD ARE KICK*ASS*METAL hall of fame albums in our top 100 albums of all-time in the sub-genre the are in.



Those who disagree with this article call the KICK*ASS*METAL customer service hot line



or if were out hunting down the greatest albums of all-time all over the world our mobile is


feel free to call for intelligent debate, not really, PSYCHE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!